Befriend myself, and Accountability

I met with my life coach yesteday morning, and we did not meditate during the session, which is a good thing, since I have hardly done it ever at home alone. I just cannot seem to find the peace and space I need to really relax. With 2 yr old twins, and I being the only adult here, it is a challenge. So we were basically discussing how to get to the place of peace and quiet... besides hiding in my closet, I guess that doesn't count. Her first recommendation is to "befriend myself". Like when you meet someone for the first time and have this spark of a connection, and you think "hey!, I like her and want to get to know her more". Thinking long and hard on how to actually do that. I'll keep ya posted!

The second thing we discussed was accountability. This is a word I am not very comfortable with, as most of my life I have not had to be accountable to anyone but myself. Through foster care and adoption into a family whether the mother was pretty much emotionally absent, and father was a workaholic. So until I was married, for the second time, the thought of being accountable to anyone was pretty foreign to me. I did what I wanted, when I wanted and with who I wanted with no real repercussions. This is not always a good thing. I think you end up making some pretty poor choices as a young adult without the guidance of someone with a little wisdom. I truly thought I knew everything, and didn't need any help. Not that I had any resources to get that help from. My father passed away when I was 23, and that was pretty much it for the "family nucleus". He had some great words of wisdom when he did dole it out, and I look back now and still call upon what little wisdom he did pass down.

One of the biggest problems I do have with E, is accountability. I still do a lot of things as if it were just me. Not all is bad, but there have been a couple of decision that I probably should have talked to E about first, but didn't. I acknowledged those issues with him, and took responsibility for them, it took a while for him to get that out of me, as I was completely defensive, when I truly had no leg(s) to stand on. So now I am being taught to be accountable, first with my life coach. I agreed to email her every morning when I get up, as my goal is to get up as early as I can and get an hour or so in before the boys wake up. This will give me the quiet I need to attempt to mediate. Or so we think, worth a shot.

Soooooo... let this portion of learning begin.... befriend myself and be accountable....