Can I just sleep for the next 7 days??

Why did no one tell me that when you have 2 yr old twins you are never your own person again? I have been sitting down at this computer from 9am this morning, and it is now 5:35pm, and all I have been able to accomplish is half of my homepage for my new website. Now keep in mind, web development, kinda of a no brainer for me. These 2 have just hunted and hunted until they found it... my last nerve that is. I am about to go insane! According to day care they do not whine at all... well here at home... that is all they do.

I am fighting a nasty cold and realized that I can never ever get sick, in any capacity. I cannot get into an accident, or anything that would incapacitated me. Not that I want to have anything bad happen to me, but bad things to happen to good people. I asked the questions of what would happen to the boys, say for example I got into a car wreck on the way home from taking them to day care. E would be thousands of miles away. Who would know to get the boys, and know what to do with them. I would think our most recent nanny who is local could do it, but she isn't mature enough to handle a situation like that. I guess I need to write up an emergency plan, with names and numbers of people to contact. God forbid I get the flu or anything, I guess I need to get my flu shot this coming week in my main office of my company as they are asking we come in ALL week. I live an hour from the office, one of the reason I work from home. I have too much to do to drive in each day.

The reason for the week of hell is that on Tuesday, at 9:30am, I am going to be "walked to the conference room", yes those were on the instructions. And then they will call the VP in CT, and together my boss and he will tell me I am loosing my job... aka fired. But since I already know about, which they don't know that I know. At least that is what I know. So I am not sure exactly how I should react. Do I act sad, mad, disappointed? Make myself cry (tears of joy). I guess I will just play it cool, and tell them it was not unexpected since my boss has be completely disconnected from me for the past 2 months.

Then I realized that because my last day of official work with the company is 1/2 that puts my termination in 2009, vs 2008. If it fell in 2008 they would have to pay me for the unused vacation I have, which happens to be 176 hrs. These guys are slick and haven't missed a thing on how to get rid of 20% of it's workforce as cheapest as possible. I was kind of hoping for the extra days to add to the severance package. But now it looks like I am going to take my PTO, as it is a "use it or lose it" plan. So by my calculations, counting Thanksgiving and Christmas Holidays, my last working day will be 12/3. And trust me I will not work a minute more. I am still trying to figure out the health care stuff. Since my last day is 1/2, and the company will continue to assist with health care by paying "their" portion of Cobra for 2 months. I called to see how much Cobra would cost and it is $1400.00 a month... and no that is not a typo! So health care will definitely be an issue. It is something E and I have not talked about in length yet, as he has not been home for 3 weeks. I am sure we are going to get into it when he gets home.

When I told him about idea to become a Virtual Assistant, he was pretty much on board. Then 2 days later, after many miles of thinking alone I might add, he started to panic over the HC. And he started telling me how I HAD to go out and get another job in corporate America. Which is the last thing I want to do. I have worked for this company for 10 yrs, and I just want some time off. Maybe take some classes, just take the pressure off me in regards to work and projects and reports and conference calls about having conference calls. I am so over the corporate environment. At least with this last group from bowels of the company, there are a lot of bitter people in our group..

A few years ago at my company I worked for a group and the only way I can describe it was we were the cool/fun kids on the playground. We did so many fun things. We got to travel with this group, and we have parties to celebrate good work. The would even give us recognized monetary bonuses. I haven't had a bonus since before the boys were born. It also turns out that my level at the company is the cut off for any incentive bonuses. Everyone above my pay grade get incentive bonuses each year, which can be anywhere from 5k to 20k, who knows. It must be nice, why they have the worker bees not get bonuses, when we are the ones that do all the actual work is beyond me!

Ok I guess I am done my rant, just a lot is going to be happening this week and I am not looking forward to it at all.

2 weeks or never.....

It has been another long and exhausting week. I have been meaning to write something but every time I get a moment, 2 little ones come and interrupt. I read another blog regularly, Snickolett, and her story is sad and inspiring at the same time. She and her husband John got married, and 3 weeks after they were married he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. They had wanted to have children, and decided that they would follow through with that plan regardless of the outcome, as they both new what the outcome would be. They got pregnant and had boy/girl twins in June of 06. John passed away in April 2007, so he never got to see their first birthday, but he did get to enjoy fatherhood to some extent. So now Snickolett is journeying through life as a widowed single mother of twins at very early age. I admire her for that, and even though my situation is at the opposite ends of the spectrum, I find myself relating to her on some levels of the single mom thing. When I start to feel like a single mom, I remember that E will be home in two weeks, vs John who will be home never and I consider myself blessed. Snickolett is an amazing woman and just coming back inter her own, and starting dating again. Her children are amazing and adjusting very well.

On then venture home front things seems pretty good. I printed up some business cards and took myself to the chamber of commerce expo and did a little networking. Folks seemed surprised/confused/interested in what a Virtual Assistant was. I had not yet perfected my 30 second elevator speech, but overall I think I did ok, and have a potential client or 2. I also approached E about the idea, even though I was scared he was going to pop my balloon with the biggest pin he could find, he didn't. In fact we talked quite a bit about marketing and sales, as that is really where is forte lies. I really want him to be a part of this, and feel like it's a team endeavor vs just me trying to make it work. He of course had his reservations and concerns about health care, which I do as well, but I think we can work through that. I called his company to find out how much it would be for their health care, and it will be double based on the information she gave me. But I swear when we were looking at it originally it all seemed the same except for the out of pocket deductible. Mine was 3200, and his was 5000. But based upon what she told me yesterday, it seems completely different from what I remember. But overall he seems enthusiastic about it, and I am willing to do all the work and networking and whatever else it takes to make this work.

On the child side of things, these kids are giving me a mini-nervous breakdown every weekend lately. I was blessed to have someone come and watch them all day yesterday, after I took them for their flu shot that is, but I went to the bookstore and just relaxed and read books for a few hours! It was soooo nice! She is going to come over at least once a month for that kind of day, and I will gladly take it, you do not have to ask me twice for things like that!

So that is the boring up, nothing major happened. I have 1 week left before I am "notified" of my job elimination. Should be an interesting week.

All good deeds go unpunished.... right?

I have to say that at one point I really believed that statement, now... not so much. I have done a lot in the past year or so to help folks who are 1) less fortunate than I, or 2) just needed a little help. However, it seems that my good deeds do go punished, as it seems now that in my time of needing a little assistant I am spitting into the wind. There has been one person whom I did assist, and probably the only person that I have done good for, that truly truly appreciated it. Not only was she grateful but she held up her end of the bargain and then some and I will never ever forget that. She reminds that there are other kind folks out there who do honor their word... so "Beppy" if you are reading this... thank you. Thank you for being the little sister I never had, and for taking such good care of me and "our" babies, when no one else did. You are always there for me, and I know you always will be. I wish you were here right now, as I could use the wisdom of someone with the soul the age of "the lady". We love and miss you dearly, please come home soon... and no I am not drinking!

I have learned many lessons over the years, but I cannot seem to learn the one of give unto others.... because lord knows I haven't been given unto by them! Let's just say lessons learned and moving on! Watching out for numero uno, and my little bambinos from here on out... and oh ya ... daddy too!

Is there anything worse than a sick child....

I picked the boys up at daycare on Weds evening, and B had this grossnesss ooozzzing from his ear. He has tubes in his ears, so I was concerned that the tube fell out. He was pretty cranky the night before, but I thought he was just tired. Turns out he had other issues. So I "swung" into the local Urgent Care to have him checked out. I sat in a room the size of my closest with 2 tired and hungry 2 yr olds, and 1 who was not feeling well. The Dr finally came in, and stuck that light thingamigig in his ear, and said and I quote "You need to take him to a 'real' doctor tomorrow. Get him into his ENT doc, and if they won't take him take him bring him to the emergency room right away". Ummmm... ok... first... "real doctor"... who the heck are you? Some guy they pulled off the street and threw a white coat on? I was not a happy camper when I left, as all I had was a prescription, for a medicine that turns out he didn't need, and instructions to call our ENT. I should have followed my gut and waited until the next day to take him to the "real doc".

I couldn't make an appt at night, so I had to call first thing to make an appt. I reached someone at 8:10am, and they had an opening at 9am. Now please keep in mind they are 30 mins away. I was still in my pj's as were the boys. So I had to throw B in the chair to eat some breakfast, get A dressed and ready for school. Got B dressed when he was done, dressed myself, threw both kids in the car. Drove A to daycare, 10 mins in the opposite direction, then heading off to the "real doc". The RD did nothing much but give me drops for his ears and told me to stop giving him the antibiotics. Then I had stay home with him, and take a day out of work.

E is doing ok on the road, I made sure he had plenty of food when he left on Tuesday. So he should be ok. I need to get more coffee before I start this day.....

I wonder how Starbucks stocks are doing?.....

A Good Weekend ... overall....

E was home for 5 days, and he left yesterday. I was actually sad to have him go, as we had a pretty decent weekend. Normally he comes home after being gone for so long, and just takes over. Rearranges the kitchen, puts things away that I normally use, moves the knives.... little stupid things. However, this weekend, I did not let any of that bother me. Which is a big step for me, usually I would make a fuss about it, but I just let it go. Not worth fighting over, and I was actually able to get some stuff done having a second set of hands.

My life coach thinks this was a good thing for me to recognize. Which I agree with for the most part. Pick your battles. I didn't get a chance to discuss with her my idea for the future endeavor on the job front, I will save that for next week.

I am moving forward with the plan, even signing up for organizations that can assist with the start up. My "partner" needs to get her butt in gear.. So "J" if you are reading this.... move that butt! ... content content content!.. and call me!!

I am loosing complete motivation with my current job, hard to give it all when you know they don't appreciate you. But I have to keep my standing in order to get my severance, so only 20 days left until "I know".

Clark Howard was just on CNN giving his "guru" advice, and he just said that now with all that is happening in the economy is the best time for entrepreneurs! Sounds good to me! Clark is the man. I do need to figure out what to do with my 401k, if it is even worth anything by the time I leave.

Last night was the first "Moms of Multiples" where I am this term's president. So now I am the president for a local non-profit. Just what I need, more on my plate. But we have a good set of folks to support, and I will definitely reach out to them, I'm not crazy!

Well that is the short update on the past few days, sorry it is not more exciting! Hopefully more exciting to report soon.

Will I ever sleep again??

No seriously.... will I? E has been home since Thursday morning, and has slept a good 60% of the time he has been here, and I don't mean overall, I mean 60% of the time normal people would be awake he has been sleeping. I have no idea what it is like to get up at 2pm. I don't even think as a young girl in my 20's, after partying all night, did I sleep until 2pm.

I am completely exhausted lately, and I was really hoping for a day to sleep in, and someone else, oh...let's say their father, to give me a break. But alas, a girl can dream can't she?

I have not done any type of mediation at all in weeks, just not sure if the meditation thing is for me. Guess I need to discuss it with my life coach, since I am paying her. I wish I could just let it all go, and relax. But being the only adult in the house, I always have the boys in the back of my mind. What if something happened, like if one fell out of the crib while I was "meditating" and didn't hear him? Not that I would be that far removed from reality, but with music and a guided meditation cd playing, I am pretty sure I wouldn't hear them. They are on the other side of the house from our bedroom. I am sure I will figure something out.

I am still really excited about the prospect of doing something on my own once I am no longer employed by the corporate sector. I am working hard on getting all my ducks in a row, and working on the finances to make sure it can be a success. Need to get the website up and running, but need the content, which will be coming from my partner in crime. She is very good at writing, where I, not so much.

I kept thinking yesterday was Sunday and that today was Monday. I was actually disappointed that it was not, that was a strange feeling. But I just think I am excited about this new venture, and can really only do work on it during the week when the boys are not here. I haven't said anything to E about it yet, as I know his doom and gloom attitude would come through, and he would just put a big old slice in my sail. So until more ground work is done I will be just working through it.

Well back to my second Sunday of the week.... it's just not fair!

Who's driving this bus anyways.....

The bus that I am referring to the proverbial bus that I seem to keep getting thrown under. Are the bus drivers job sharing? Since flexible work arrangements seem to be the thing these days, who knows. The reason I ask this is as it seems each day at work brings new enlightenment to the situation of job loss. Yesterday I found out that they are laying me off, yet promoting someone in my group, who does nothing of substance. No offense to her personally, I am sure she is a nice lady and all, but just because you are older than me, does not mean you can come into the company at a lower grade them mind you. And boss me around. Which is pretty much how it has been since she started 6 months ago. And now to know that I am going to be jobless, and she is promoted to my pay grade.... well that was just yet another tire on the bus rolling over me.

So now I am in the "what to do I want to be when I grow up" train of thought. And my best friend since second grade. Okay, technically we didn't meet until later in school, but we found out that we were actually in the same class in 2nd grade, so technically in a subconscious kind of way, I have know her since 2nd grade. But hey, anything over 20 yrs is null and void anyhow, so let's just say it is over 20 yrs. She has also recently lost her job, and is now struggling to find a good paying job. She lives in a different area of the country than I, but we still keep in touch. Well I bumped into this idea, that just seemed to strike a cord with me. Probably sounded more like a violin cord breaking... but a cord none the less. And the idea just seemed so perfect for us, us meaning she and I... I and she.. me and her... frick and frack. The idea is why not try to start a Virtual Assistant business. She and I have both been in the business world for close to 20 yrs, and she has over 18 yrs as an Executive Administrative Assistant. And not just an EAA, but to some pretty high up folks in the business industry. What do I bring to the table, well I have a background in technology. A little of this and a little of that. Project management, Sharepoint Administration, DB administration. I have Six Sigma (Google it) skills, and e-learning development and training in the corporate sector down to a science. Especially virtually. I have been in a virtual support role now for close to 10 yrs. So why not right? With the way the economy is going.. you know straight down... to you know where.... and probably in some cute hand basket or something. I am sure folks are going to want to be cutting back on somethings, but not sacrificing the end product. And we think that is where we would come in, as a team and provide excellent services for those who need it.

I will let you know how this little endeavor pans out. But I am really excited about it. She and I are doing our research on it now, and taking baby step by baby step, I just may be a few skips ahead of her. ;)

E comes home tomorrow he has been gone for almost 3 weeks, it has been a long 3 weeks. One of the boys needs to go to the Dr tomorrow, so I am trying to figure out the whole how one will eat breakfast and one won't. Maybe I will just bring them both to daycare and let them feed them, run an errand up the street and come back and get him after he is done eating??..... still thinking on it. I have cleaned the entire house, and got caught up on all the laundry, hence the fact that my eyes are still open at 10pm. Way past my bed time. That being said... "night night" as the boys would say.