Well yesterday was the biggest snow I have seen in NC yet, and I had the distinct pleasure of seeing with my kids... they loved it. Unfortunately, we were completely unprepared for two 3 yr olds to go play in the snow. And it was a mighty cold out. I am hoping with the sun shining so brightly today we can get out there. I do have to work this afternoon though.
Well some good news is that I have finally gotten the 2nd interview I have been waiting for with the financial company I applied for back in early December. I have a couple of old colleagues that work there, and one of them called me and said he had talked to the hiring manager (person I have the interview with) and he raved about me. He said I am in the top 3 for the job, and that he thinks I don't have much to worry about. I do however have to take an Excel test of some sort. They will be sending me the workbook tomorrow, and I have to complete it and send it back on Friday before the Monday interview. I guess they want to evaluate my Microsoft Excel skills. I wish I could say confidently I can do it, but I am by no means an expert. It is an open book test, so if I don't know the final answer I am sure I can look up how to do it... learn as we go.
I have never worked this hard for a job before, my how the my world has changed. I have never had to have a second interview, I have always just gotten the job. New territory for me here, but I am sure I can do the job, and it sounds right up my ally. Cleaning house in a call center for people who don't work. I just don't understand how people can show up to work every day, and give 25% of themselves. Just confuses me... but that what this whole job is about, a team of three, including myself (if I get it) that will evaluate and track numbers to justify cleaning up the dead weight. But this is a call center that has people who have been there for over 20 yrs, and they all know each other as friends, or are related to each other. Just the short tour I had of it made me shake my head. The call queue was stacked and there were folks walking around chatting as if nothing was going on.... too slow for my taste.
Well back to today, made the boys bacon, eggs and toast and all B wanted was bacon, bacon and more bacon. He did eat 7 waffles, yes 7... yesterday!! Hollow leg this kid has, and the skinniest thing you have ever seen. You know there are some times you just don't want to share the food, and the bacon was a fight to the finish this morning. It is something we never have but since it was snowy and cold why not.
I made the best corn chowder yesterday, again nothing like some good old fashioned corn chowda on a snowy day! Even if I was the only one really eating it!
On a completely different subject.... Anne of Green Gables.... never heard of it before Friday evening. A couple friend of ours had their weekly date night at our house. Since we have such a ginormous family room and huge movie like tv, it makes for a great movie night. They brought cheesecake, wine, beer and believe it or not a pan with popcorn kernels in it. No microwave for these folks, but keep in mind this gal makes all her own everything. She has an industrial sized mixer in her kitchen. It was a great evening all around, completely enjoyed myself.
Now to see how I can wrap two kids up in plastic bags, without my neighbors calling DSS, they really want to get out there.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Reflections of my Life....and It's never too late.
I wanted to post this on my actual birthday, however, the day got away from me.
Reflections of my life....
Age 0 = born to alcholic parents in Germany
Age 4 = taken by they state and put into foster care
Age 11 = Visit from birth father for my 11th birthday with extremely distubing results
Age 11.5 = previous visit prompted immediate adopted by foster parents and had a new name
Age 16 = fell in love for the first time in my life
Age 17.5 = had the greatest hard ache over said first love
Age 23 = Most important male figure in my life passed on, very sudden aka my world changed forever
Age 23.5 = Joined the military to escape what was left of my life, which was not much, father figure was the glue that held it together.
Age 25 = Discharged from the military (early release) and moved to New Orleans
Age 28 = Married for the first time
Age 30 = first pregnancy and miscarriage
Age 32 = divorced for the first time
Age 33 = moved away from New England
and onto North Carolina to start a new life, best decision I have ever made
Age 37 = Met the love of my life, and completely not who I thought he would be. Didn't ride in on a white horse, but a white road bike.
Age 40 = Married said love of my life, in a wonderful private beach moment in Key West.
Age 40 = Built first house, (3rd to own) with new husband
Age 41 = found out we were pregnant with twin boys!!
Age 41.5 = gave birth to the most wonderful creatures to ever enter in my life, I will NEVER forget the moment of the true love and awe felt from husband that day. No words had to be spoken, and still don't when I think of that moment. If only I could bottle it and open it whenever I feel insecure.
Age 43 = Lost job of 10 yrs due to lay off, and felt free for the first time in a very long time.
age 44 = Life became reality and came to a crashing hault due to choices made in the past which were not thought out clearly
Age 45 = New found energy and confidence on finally being me.... it's never to late to be what you might have been.
And this year I am going to find out WHAT I am suppose to be.
Reflections of my life....
Age 0 = born to alcholic parents in Germany
Age 4 = taken by they state and put into foster care
Age 11 = Visit from birth father for my 11th birthday with extremely distubing results
Age 11.5 = previous visit prompted immediate adopted by foster parents and had a new name
Age 16 = fell in love for the first time in my life
Age 17.5 = had the greatest hard ache over said first love
Age 23 = Most important male figure in my life passed on, very sudden aka my world changed forever
Age 23.5 = Joined the military to escape what was left of my life, which was not much, father figure was the glue that held it together.
Age 25 = Discharged from the military (early release) and moved to New Orleans
Age 28 = Married for the first time
Age 30 = first pregnancy and miscarriage
Age 32 = divorced for the first time
Age 33 = moved away from New England
and onto North Carolina to start a new life, best decision I have ever made
Age 37 = Met the love of my life, and completely not who I thought he would be. Didn't ride in on a white horse, but a white road bike.
Age 40 = Married said love of my life, in a wonderful private beach moment in Key West.
Age 40 = Built first house, (3rd to own) with new husband
Age 41 = found out we were pregnant with twin boys!!
Age 41.5 = gave birth to the most wonderful creatures to ever enter in my life, I will NEVER forget the moment of the true love and awe felt from husband that day. No words had to be spoken, and still don't when I think of that moment. If only I could bottle it and open it whenever I feel insecure.
Age 43 = Lost job of 10 yrs due to lay off, and felt free for the first time in a very long time.
age 44 = Life became reality and came to a crashing hault due to choices made in the past which were not thought out clearly
Age 45 = New found energy and confidence on finally being me.... it's never to late to be what you might have been.
And this year I am going to find out WHAT I am suppose to be.
Slippers... what are they really and are they overrated??
Are they cozy shoes you were around the house to keep your feet warm, simple slip ons you use to take the trash out or something greater, a new trend perhaps.... I vote for the latter. Since today which was another hectic day getting the boys read for school, half way there I realized I had my slippers on. At least my pants are long enough no one can really notice, and thank god they are not the giant pink fuzzy rabbit ones! I really don't' own a pair, but did at one time in my life, I am sure. Then the boys were fighting over a green airplane that one had and the other wanted, so as I was fussing at them for fussing.... I slowly see my exit pass before my eyes! We were doing so well, on time.. we would have actually been on time today for this week. However that was not the case. I had to go up an turn around, which added 10 mins to my commute. I am boycotting all toys in the car on the right to school. They can play the car/truck game... which basically having B and the rest us forced to, look for yellow vehicles. Lellow as he says it, any other color will just not do. Do you have any idea how many yellow cars there are in here chapel hill... any takers? I would say about 4, and we have seen each one, over and over again. But at lease B thinks they are different cars.
Had another little spat with E yesterday, who was "sick" since Sunday afternoon. He basically disappeared to the basement aka man cave, for 2 whole days, only came up to pee and get food... literally. So yesterday when he finally emerged at 2pm (thank god I had the day off), I mentioned to him that I was tired (and frustrated over this whole MAC situation). And his response to me is Why would you be tired?? Well as you could image where this would go, especially in our household... unfortunately we are yellers, I try not to be, and usually am not unless I am taken there and forced to defend myself. I explained to him my frustration over the past couple days, and he just went off on how he does everything around the house, the kids... and on top of that.. Laundry. Well I was searching frantically for my thrown and god-like me with palm leaves and grapes. Nope couldn't find them. It just went from there to all about the new car, and the Macintosh purchases that I felt where inappropriate for our financial situation at this time.
Has he no shame on how he looks to other people?? Everyone we know, knows he is not working and that I am on unemployment, and very few know we are working on a mortgage modification, which we would have been approved for had he not had so much money in the bank, but again, another story. We are seeing a counselor who has been doing this pro-bono for months now, and I feel like such a hypocrite for doing so. I feel like I cannot be honest with him about the frustrations over the finances, past and present, mostly present, but E always has to take it back. I keep offering to him to follow the money, I have every bank statement, and credit card statement since we have been married. For him to say he had nothing to do with the financial ruin we are now in.. is complete crap. So just one other fight on another day. One of his favorite saying is "give me a F***ing break here". Well A said that to B today on the say to school... I was floored! Something E will be abreast of when I get home.
I contacted both folks about the 2 potential jobs I have out there, and got the old "hang in there" response. I cannot hang in there for much longer, I NEED to get back to work... asap before I loose my mind at home. I really have no idea how E is going to handle all things when I am gone. He will have to take care of the boys, the house, the groceries, the dog and whatever else comes up. I personally think his head will explode.
Well back to the job hunting!
Had another little spat with E yesterday, who was "sick" since Sunday afternoon. He basically disappeared to the basement aka man cave, for 2 whole days, only came up to pee and get food... literally. So yesterday when he finally emerged at 2pm (thank god I had the day off), I mentioned to him that I was tired (and frustrated over this whole MAC situation). And his response to me is Why would you be tired?? Well as you could image where this would go, especially in our household... unfortunately we are yellers, I try not to be, and usually am not unless I am taken there and forced to defend myself. I explained to him my frustration over the past couple days, and he just went off on how he does everything around the house, the kids... and on top of that.. Laundry. Well I was searching frantically for my thrown and god-like me with palm leaves and grapes. Nope couldn't find them. It just went from there to all about the new car, and the Macintosh purchases that I felt where inappropriate for our financial situation at this time.
Has he no shame on how he looks to other people?? Everyone we know, knows he is not working and that I am on unemployment, and very few know we are working on a mortgage modification, which we would have been approved for had he not had so much money in the bank, but again, another story. We are seeing a counselor who has been doing this pro-bono for months now, and I feel like such a hypocrite for doing so. I feel like I cannot be honest with him about the frustrations over the finances, past and present, mostly present, but E always has to take it back. I keep offering to him to follow the money, I have every bank statement, and credit card statement since we have been married. For him to say he had nothing to do with the financial ruin we are now in.. is complete crap. So just one other fight on another day. One of his favorite saying is "give me a F***ing break here". Well A said that to B today on the say to school... I was floored! Something E will be abreast of when I get home.
I contacted both folks about the 2 potential jobs I have out there, and got the old "hang in there" response. I cannot hang in there for much longer, I NEED to get back to work... asap before I loose my mind at home. I really have no idea how E is going to handle all things when I am gone. He will have to take care of the boys, the house, the groceries, the dog and whatever else comes up. I personally think his head will explode.
Well back to the job hunting!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Yet another B-Day has passed.....
Well yesterday was my 45th birthday. Another yet uneventful day, I was hoping for something a little more. Let's see what was purchased on my birthday... a new (really nice) computer desk, and nice leather chair to go with said desk... and oh ya... a brand new 27" Macintosh. Now before you start getting all hatin on me... it was purchased for E, as he wanted this, and had been bugging me for weeks about it. That is his way of getting things, I told him I didn't want him to get it, I didn't think it was a wise purchase giving our financial state. But when does E ever listen to me when it comes to that. He constantly throws up the financial disaster of 2009 back at me.
So I ended up going to target to get myself a desk, and I am sure I will be the one to put it together, and move all things around the bedroom. I am tired of using a lateral file as my desk to edit photography photos on.
Work on a different topic completely sent me over the edge, and "work" I mean a part time job at Harris Teeter, a local grocery chain. I had some sweet plans to meet my fellow mom's of multiples at my favorite Thai restaurant for a nice dinner. However, there seemed to be some stupid mandatory meeting on Friday night. I explained to them I could not attend as I already had plans, so they said I could attend the Saturday meeting, but I was scheduled to work at 915, and the meeting was at 9. So they said I could not work, and attend the meeting the same day. That I would have to find someone to work my shift if I wanted to attend the Sat meeting. Keep in mind half the crew was attending the Sat meeting, so there really was only a few folks who go switch. So now WHY was this my responsibility when they are suppose to NEVER schedule me on a Friday... ever, so that is why I made plans for dinner. I asked a girl to switch and she said she would, but we had to clear it through the manager. So I called him, and he said no problem . He then calls me back 5 mins later, and says she changed her mind, that she said she would do it, but really didn't want to. Well why didn't she say that in the first place.
He says he made a phone call for someone else, and that he would call me back and let me know if she can work, which would free me up for Friday night. So I waited all day, and had not heard back from him, so I assumed no one was able to switch and that I had to attend this meeting, and still work on my birthday. I get to the meeting at 8pm, fuming that I had to change my plans for this, and then one of the other cashiers says to me... "Hey!! I heard they were able to find someone to work your shift!".... ummmm WTF?!!!! OH MY GAWD, I was then about to just kill someone. Now this manager is about 5 ft tall and bald, and extremely obnoxious to begin with, and lucky me ended up sitting next to him during the meeting, and I let him have it!! This is some stupid part time job, while I collect my unemployment and look for another full time job... and that itself is a whole different post.
So that was the start of a pretty crappy weekend, and today I have to go to another meeting for god knows what!
The boys are doing great, making me laugh at least 10 times a day, and yell another 10 times, as something always cute ends up in a fight. B is starting to make up his own language, and the funny part is he uses the same words, as if it is a real language. Kind of annoying, yet cute at the same time.
So I ended up going to target to get myself a desk, and I am sure I will be the one to put it together, and move all things around the bedroom. I am tired of using a lateral file as my desk to edit photography photos on.
Work on a different topic completely sent me over the edge, and "work" I mean a part time job at Harris Teeter, a local grocery chain. I had some sweet plans to meet my fellow mom's of multiples at my favorite Thai restaurant for a nice dinner. However, there seemed to be some stupid mandatory meeting on Friday night. I explained to them I could not attend as I already had plans, so they said I could attend the Saturday meeting, but I was scheduled to work at 915, and the meeting was at 9. So they said I could not work, and attend the meeting the same day. That I would have to find someone to work my shift if I wanted to attend the Sat meeting. Keep in mind half the crew was attending the Sat meeting, so there really was only a few folks who go switch. So now WHY was this my responsibility when they are suppose to NEVER schedule me on a Friday... ever, so that is why I made plans for dinner. I asked a girl to switch and she said she would, but we had to clear it through the manager. So I called him, and he said no problem . He then calls me back 5 mins later, and says she changed her mind, that she said she would do it, but really didn't want to. Well why didn't she say that in the first place.
He says he made a phone call for someone else, and that he would call me back and let me know if she can work, which would free me up for Friday night. So I waited all day, and had not heard back from him, so I assumed no one was able to switch and that I had to attend this meeting, and still work on my birthday. I get to the meeting at 8pm, fuming that I had to change my plans for this, and then one of the other cashiers says to me... "Hey!! I heard they were able to find someone to work your shift!".... ummmm WTF?!!!! OH MY GAWD, I was then about to just kill someone. Now this manager is about 5 ft tall and bald, and extremely obnoxious to begin with, and lucky me ended up sitting next to him during the meeting, and I let him have it!! This is some stupid part time job, while I collect my unemployment and look for another full time job... and that itself is a whole different post.
So that was the start of a pretty crappy weekend, and today I have to go to another meeting for god knows what!
The boys are doing great, making me laugh at least 10 times a day, and yell another 10 times, as something always cute ends up in a fight. B is starting to make up his own language, and the funny part is he uses the same words, as if it is a real language. Kind of annoying, yet cute at the same time.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
A whole flippin year as gone by... wow!!
Now there is slacking and there is SLACKING... and I am the latter. So much has happened in the past year, this update is huge... so if you are reading... please do not abandon me yet. Catch up, and I will continue posting for my own sanity... pun completely intended.
Well I have finally done it, updated this blog. I read a lot of blogs, but always wanted one of my own, but never felt the need. I now feel the need. I am STILL unemployed after working for the same company, and same person for close to 10 yrs. the tired marks are slowly fading, but I can still feel them. Like phantom marks of the bus that ran over me last January. With a quick pat on the back and "see you soon" I was done, out, unemployed. I have only ever been unemployed once in my life. This was so unfamiliar to me. But it was a nice break I have to admit. E was still an over the road trucker at this point. So now I was completely alone with my own thoughts, not such a good idea some times. The boys were at this time still in full time day care, as I only intended to take a few months off to try and pursue my passion of photography (a story for another day). Well after a few months I started to look for work again, as the bills needed to get paid some how, and one salary was not cutting it. I was still waiting my severance weeks to end before I could file for unemployment and things were getting tight. I had already been dipping into our savings which was quite substantial at the time. But we were living way beyond our means, and didn't realize this until the major paycheck went away.
Well back to the job hunt, turns out my profession was the hardest hit and every business analyst out there was looking for work. And here in NC was no exception. I was looking for months. My mother in law decided to come up from FL to assist with the boys over Mother's day weekend. It was going to be nice to have a second set of hands for a few days. E was not going to be home for Mother's day yet again. Well this quick little visit turned out to be the worst days of my life, as it changed everything. She actually came up for a little fact finding mission, to see how the boys were being taken care of, and how clean my house was. She obviously didn't like what she saw, so I am not Martha, but I was doing the best I could and we most certainly were not living in squaller. I had kept the boys in full time day as it took us 1.5 yrs to get into this wonderful daycare 7 minutes from the house. I was going to go back to work, soon I was hoping, so I most certainly could not take them out. My MIL was not happy that they were going to school most of the day while I was unemployed. When she left to fly home, it was all smiles and good byes, and see you soons.
Now this information is coming second hand, as I obviously was not in FL when she landed. According to E , she called him crying and very upset at how the boys were be taken care of. We have a large beautiful home which requires lots of upkeep, and the boys have always come first. If I had to choose between mopping the floor or reading a story to my boys and tucking them in... the boys hands down. Well E was completely upset, and drove straight home for Fargo ND. When he arrived I was not expecting him home for another 3 days, and he said he was taking some time off. "Indefinite Personal leave of absence"... man was I confused on what was happening.
He then proceeds to tell me of his mother's perception of things back home, and he was inclined to believe her. We were planning a family vacation to FL in June, but E decided he was going to take the boys down there early, and give me time to "get things in order". What the hell that meant I still have no real idea. I completely disagreed with him taking the boys. There was no need for him to do this. He yanked them out of daycare, and said they would not be coming back. I found out this, only because the daycare workers who liked me called me and told me so. He also called the local PD to tell them he thought I would take his children from him. So, he leaves for 10 days... 10 days without my babies!!
I have never been away from them that long. I was devastated and alone. I slipped into a major depression within the first few days. I didn't want to get out of bed, let alone clean a house. I was hardly speaking with the boys, as he wouldn't call me when I told him to. I wanted to talk with them when they woke up, after they ate lunch, after a nap and before bed. There was one day that I hadn't heard from them ALL day. I called at 10pm and someone finally answered the phone. I was pissed to say the least, and he tells his mother in the background that I am crazy and that he couldn't speak. She grabs the phone from him and proceeds to yell at me about how I don't love my kids, and how I stole their college fund money. E was not a big part of the finances ever in our whole relationship, so it came to quite a shock to him when he say how the money had gone. I don't blame him for being upset, but this was between us and not his mother and us. She then hung up on me, just hung up. I was infuriated to say the least.
I called him back the next day told him if he did not have my children back in the state of NC by midnight Sunday I would be calling the police. When he did get home, things had changed dramatically. 3 days after he got home, SHE blew into town behind him. He said she was there to watch the kids while he "took care of some things"... helllloooo mother on premise. Why did she need to take care of these boys, when I am fully capable of doing so myself. I felt like a stranger in my own home, I wanted so badly to kick her out of my house but I was trying very hard to keep the peace. After all we were still family. I attempted to speak to her one day to "clear the air" and she just went off on me again, in front of my kids this time. So it turns out the "taking care of things" was to see a family attorney that SHE had paid for. They had secured an attorney while down in FL, and now he was going to see her face to face. I knew something was going on, and I was preparing myself so I myself met with an attorney while he was down in FL. Once I was able to pull myself up and dust myself off, I got right to work. I got all the bank records, and anything else I thought I might need in case it did go where I thought it was going. And it did, thanks to dear old MIL. I am a child with no parents. I am a child of adoption, of foster care. I am a child of abuse, neglect and abandonment. It was his team against me and only me. But I have always been a fight and always will be, not matter what, as there is no other choice.
I had a regular appt with my Dr... yes I am on medication, who wouldn't be after living my life. So my Dr asked that E come with me, and he said yes. The next morning which was the day of the meeting, he said he had spoken to his mother and she advised him that going to my Dr's appts with would not be in his best interest..!!! Say whaaa??! This completely confirmed my suspicion. I went to my Dr's appt alone that day, but she insisted he come. So she made another appt for him, and would not let me leave until she got in touch with him. He eventually called her back, and said he could not do Monday as he had "things to do". So Tuesday it was. We go to the appt, and I am completely aware of everyone's intentions and completely depressed about it. I couldn't talk to my husband about it nor anyone else for that matter. As we sat there talking with my Dr she kept asking me if I felt safe enough to go home... in my mind I was thinking ME safe.. my MIL is the one she should be asking that of.
However I was just so completely sad and devastated that this was happening that I could not speak. Literally I could not speak. So based upon that, she asked me to sign myself into the hospital, and if I didn't then she would have to keep me there, as it was her duty. So I signed myself in for 72 hours. And to be honest it was the most sobering experience of my life. It really made me find the fight in my gut. I knew what I had to do, and was completely prepared to do so. I had no visitors except E and that was only when he was forced to. He told me his intentions the day before I was suppose to leave, and that included me not coming home due to the stress level in the house. Unacceptable to me. As it turns out, his mother was showing her true colors, and taking down about me in front of the kids, trying to manipulate E 's every decision. The night before he was to come get me, he took her to a hotel as he could not take her constant badgering about me. The morning I was to be released he was an hour and half late. He had to bring the boys, as he gave his mother the phone book, and told her to call herself a cab to the airport, as she was no longer welcome. The man had finally come to his senses!! It was a good feeling, but I knew we still had a long way to go. But as long as she was out of the picture, the better off we were. His parents have been divorced for over 30 yrs, both remarried and living great lives but she still talks about her ex as if it were yesterday. Get over it!! The last we have spoken to her was in July, and I hope she enjoyed those 10 days with them, because as far as I am concerned she will not see them again anytime soon, if ever. So here we are now into June and E quits his job, the kids are out of school and I am still unemployed. Our only health care was with E's job and that freaked me out. At least there was a local agency that picked up my tab at the hospital and are continuing to do so even now. I could have stayed at the Ritz Carlton for way cheaper and enjoyed myself a lot more. All it was a room with a roommate who snored like a freight train, and timed medication. Had I had my own room, I probably would have caught up on some long needed rest. I took a job at a local grocery store, part time of course, and living off my unemployment. E has had to cash in some stocks and inheritance money to assist. However, E is a man who can be very impulsive. I most certainly did not spend ALL the money myself. In fact, in the midst of all this crisis, he decides he wants a new car. Keep in mind he had a 2007 car that was paid for, but he had to have a better, faster, and newer car. For the first time, I finally spoke up and said no I don't believe in this. But I knew he was going to do it anyways, as he always does. He drove all the way to GA to get this car, and cashed in 16k of his grandmothers inheritance.
We are barely getting by, trying to get a loan modification on our mortgage so we won't loose our house (never missed a payment yet), and he goes out and buys a new car with a 10k deficit. I told him the extra cash in the bank was going to hurt our application for the modification, but he didn't care. And I was correct, on December 28, 2009 our HAMP application was denied, reason: Too much liquid assets in bank account. Turns out you are not allowed to have more than 3 months of mortgage payments in your account, and we were over by about 1500.00. Within a week, we were now out of the program and Citi was calling us to now assist us in paying back the arrears mortgage, as for the past 6 months we paid 450.00 less than our mortgage was. So now of course they are going to want their money, completely understandable.
E cashed in more stocks, I only have a couple of months left on my unemployment. Citi has been completely great about this, they have given us another 4 months of lower payments to give us time to find employment. E has no intention of going back to work, the boys are in a part time school (M, T and W half days). I have had one really good job interview but still waiting to hear back to interview with the hiring manager. I had one scheduled, but she had a family emergency back in Chicago so I was unable to meet with her, I met with her assistant. Who actually was someone I worked with at my old job. This whole thing came out of a referral from an old boss, not the bus driving one, one who really cared.
I am waiting to find out about this job, and on the back burner might be a contract position for 18 months. The first job is 3o mins away, but the contractor one is over an hour. But at this point I will take whatever I can get. I have been apply day after day after day, with usually no response, or a no thank you. Why do companies post jobs, when they know they have a hiring freeze!!?? It really ticks me off! Ok well that is my last year in a nutshell.. pretty stressful just reading it, but as of right now I am in a good place. E and I still have our issues, but we are finally seeing a counselor who is right for us. In fact, E is going to start seeing him alone, which I have begged for all along. He needs help with a lot of his issues, blows up way to easily, and in front of the boys. I hate it. This counselor is doing all of this pro-bono... God bless him. I have a great new circle of friends, and of course older friends who have been there for me since I moved to NC from New England 11 yrs ago.
I hope to be able to update this blog daily, as I truly need a place to put it all down, and I want to start recording the boys and their wonderful personalities that they have developed. THEY are truly my blessings in life, after all I have been through my entire life, I can honestly say, I DESERVE THEM.
Well I have finally done it, updated this blog. I read a lot of blogs, but always wanted one of my own, but never felt the need. I now feel the need. I am STILL unemployed after working for the same company, and same person for close to 10 yrs. the tired marks are slowly fading, but I can still feel them. Like phantom marks of the bus that ran over me last January. With a quick pat on the back and "see you soon" I was done, out, unemployed. I have only ever been unemployed once in my life. This was so unfamiliar to me. But it was a nice break I have to admit. E was still an over the road trucker at this point. So now I was completely alone with my own thoughts, not such a good idea some times. The boys were at this time still in full time day care, as I only intended to take a few months off to try and pursue my passion of photography (a story for another day). Well after a few months I started to look for work again, as the bills needed to get paid some how, and one salary was not cutting it. I was still waiting my severance weeks to end before I could file for unemployment and things were getting tight. I had already been dipping into our savings which was quite substantial at the time. But we were living way beyond our means, and didn't realize this until the major paycheck went away.
Well back to the job hunt, turns out my profession was the hardest hit and every business analyst out there was looking for work. And here in NC was no exception. I was looking for months. My mother in law decided to come up from FL to assist with the boys over Mother's day weekend. It was going to be nice to have a second set of hands for a few days. E was not going to be home for Mother's day yet again. Well this quick little visit turned out to be the worst days of my life, as it changed everything. She actually came up for a little fact finding mission, to see how the boys were being taken care of, and how clean my house was. She obviously didn't like what she saw, so I am not Martha, but I was doing the best I could and we most certainly were not living in squaller. I had kept the boys in full time day as it took us 1.5 yrs to get into this wonderful daycare 7 minutes from the house. I was going to go back to work, soon I was hoping, so I most certainly could not take them out. My MIL was not happy that they were going to school most of the day while I was unemployed. When she left to fly home, it was all smiles and good byes, and see you soons.
Now this information is coming second hand, as I obviously was not in FL when she landed. According to E , she called him crying and very upset at how the boys were be taken care of. We have a large beautiful home which requires lots of upkeep, and the boys have always come first. If I had to choose between mopping the floor or reading a story to my boys and tucking them in... the boys hands down. Well E was completely upset, and drove straight home for Fargo ND. When he arrived I was not expecting him home for another 3 days, and he said he was taking some time off. "Indefinite Personal leave of absence"... man was I confused on what was happening.
He then proceeds to tell me of his mother's perception of things back home, and he was inclined to believe her. We were planning a family vacation to FL in June, but E decided he was going to take the boys down there early, and give me time to "get things in order". What the hell that meant I still have no real idea. I completely disagreed with him taking the boys. There was no need for him to do this. He yanked them out of daycare, and said they would not be coming back. I found out this, only because the daycare workers who liked me called me and told me so. He also called the local PD to tell them he thought I would take his children from him. So, he leaves for 10 days... 10 days without my babies!!
I have never been away from them that long. I was devastated and alone. I slipped into a major depression within the first few days. I didn't want to get out of bed, let alone clean a house. I was hardly speaking with the boys, as he wouldn't call me when I told him to. I wanted to talk with them when they woke up, after they ate lunch, after a nap and before bed. There was one day that I hadn't heard from them ALL day. I called at 10pm and someone finally answered the phone. I was pissed to say the least, and he tells his mother in the background that I am crazy and that he couldn't speak. She grabs the phone from him and proceeds to yell at me about how I don't love my kids, and how I stole their college fund money. E was not a big part of the finances ever in our whole relationship, so it came to quite a shock to him when he say how the money had gone. I don't blame him for being upset, but this was between us and not his mother and us. She then hung up on me, just hung up. I was infuriated to say the least.
I called him back the next day told him if he did not have my children back in the state of NC by midnight Sunday I would be calling the police. When he did get home, things had changed dramatically. 3 days after he got home, SHE blew into town behind him. He said she was there to watch the kids while he "took care of some things"... helllloooo mother on premise. Why did she need to take care of these boys, when I am fully capable of doing so myself. I felt like a stranger in my own home, I wanted so badly to kick her out of my house but I was trying very hard to keep the peace. After all we were still family. I attempted to speak to her one day to "clear the air" and she just went off on me again, in front of my kids this time. So it turns out the "taking care of things" was to see a family attorney that SHE had paid for. They had secured an attorney while down in FL, and now he was going to see her face to face. I knew something was going on, and I was preparing myself so I myself met with an attorney while he was down in FL. Once I was able to pull myself up and dust myself off, I got right to work. I got all the bank records, and anything else I thought I might need in case it did go where I thought it was going. And it did, thanks to dear old MIL. I am a child with no parents. I am a child of adoption, of foster care. I am a child of abuse, neglect and abandonment. It was his team against me and only me. But I have always been a fight and always will be, not matter what, as there is no other choice.
I had a regular appt with my Dr... yes I am on medication, who wouldn't be after living my life. So my Dr asked that E come with me, and he said yes. The next morning which was the day of the meeting, he said he had spoken to his mother and she advised him that going to my Dr's appts with would not be in his best interest..!!! Say whaaa??! This completely confirmed my suspicion. I went to my Dr's appt alone that day, but she insisted he come. So she made another appt for him, and would not let me leave until she got in touch with him. He eventually called her back, and said he could not do Monday as he had "things to do". So Tuesday it was. We go to the appt, and I am completely aware of everyone's intentions and completely depressed about it. I couldn't talk to my husband about it nor anyone else for that matter. As we sat there talking with my Dr she kept asking me if I felt safe enough to go home... in my mind I was thinking ME safe.. my MIL is the one she should be asking that of.
However I was just so completely sad and devastated that this was happening that I could not speak. Literally I could not speak. So based upon that, she asked me to sign myself into the hospital, and if I didn't then she would have to keep me there, as it was her duty. So I signed myself in for 72 hours. And to be honest it was the most sobering experience of my life. It really made me find the fight in my gut. I knew what I had to do, and was completely prepared to do so. I had no visitors except E and that was only when he was forced to. He told me his intentions the day before I was suppose to leave, and that included me not coming home due to the stress level in the house. Unacceptable to me. As it turns out, his mother was showing her true colors, and taking down about me in front of the kids, trying to manipulate E 's every decision. The night before he was to come get me, he took her to a hotel as he could not take her constant badgering about me. The morning I was to be released he was an hour and half late. He had to bring the boys, as he gave his mother the phone book, and told her to call herself a cab to the airport, as she was no longer welcome. The man had finally come to his senses!! It was a good feeling, but I knew we still had a long way to go. But as long as she was out of the picture, the better off we were. His parents have been divorced for over 30 yrs, both remarried and living great lives but she still talks about her ex as if it were yesterday. Get over it!! The last we have spoken to her was in July, and I hope she enjoyed those 10 days with them, because as far as I am concerned she will not see them again anytime soon, if ever. So here we are now into June and E quits his job, the kids are out of school and I am still unemployed. Our only health care was with E's job and that freaked me out. At least there was a local agency that picked up my tab at the hospital and are continuing to do so even now. I could have stayed at the Ritz Carlton for way cheaper and enjoyed myself a lot more. All it was a room with a roommate who snored like a freight train, and timed medication. Had I had my own room, I probably would have caught up on some long needed rest. I took a job at a local grocery store, part time of course, and living off my unemployment. E has had to cash in some stocks and inheritance money to assist. However, E is a man who can be very impulsive. I most certainly did not spend ALL the money myself. In fact, in the midst of all this crisis, he decides he wants a new car. Keep in mind he had a 2007 car that was paid for, but he had to have a better, faster, and newer car. For the first time, I finally spoke up and said no I don't believe in this. But I knew he was going to do it anyways, as he always does. He drove all the way to GA to get this car, and cashed in 16k of his grandmothers inheritance.
We are barely getting by, trying to get a loan modification on our mortgage so we won't loose our house (never missed a payment yet), and he goes out and buys a new car with a 10k deficit. I told him the extra cash in the bank was going to hurt our application for the modification, but he didn't care. And I was correct, on December 28, 2009 our HAMP application was denied, reason: Too much liquid assets in bank account. Turns out you are not allowed to have more than 3 months of mortgage payments in your account, and we were over by about 1500.00. Within a week, we were now out of the program and Citi was calling us to now assist us in paying back the arrears mortgage, as for the past 6 months we paid 450.00 less than our mortgage was. So now of course they are going to want their money, completely understandable.
E cashed in more stocks, I only have a couple of months left on my unemployment. Citi has been completely great about this, they have given us another 4 months of lower payments to give us time to find employment. E has no intention of going back to work, the boys are in a part time school (M, T and W half days). I have had one really good job interview but still waiting to hear back to interview with the hiring manager. I had one scheduled, but she had a family emergency back in Chicago so I was unable to meet with her, I met with her assistant. Who actually was someone I worked with at my old job. This whole thing came out of a referral from an old boss, not the bus driving one, one who really cared.
I am waiting to find out about this job, and on the back burner might be a contract position for 18 months. The first job is 3o mins away, but the contractor one is over an hour. But at this point I will take whatever I can get. I have been apply day after day after day, with usually no response, or a no thank you. Why do companies post jobs, when they know they have a hiring freeze!!?? It really ticks me off! Ok well that is my last year in a nutshell.. pretty stressful just reading it, but as of right now I am in a good place. E and I still have our issues, but we are finally seeing a counselor who is right for us. In fact, E is going to start seeing him alone, which I have begged for all along. He needs help with a lot of his issues, blows up way to easily, and in front of the boys. I hate it. This counselor is doing all of this pro-bono... God bless him. I have a great new circle of friends, and of course older friends who have been there for me since I moved to NC from New England 11 yrs ago.
I hope to be able to update this blog daily, as I truly need a place to put it all down, and I want to start recording the boys and their wonderful personalities that they have developed. THEY are truly my blessings in life, after all I have been through my entire life, I can honestly say, I DESERVE THEM.
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